birth name Maura Beth Zeler birthdate & age April 8th, 1988 & 26 hometown Hartford, CT residence Sivertree Hill sexuality & marital status lesbian & dating occupation english teacher parents Janet & Frank Zeler

first, middle & last name: Maura Beth Zeler

birth date & age: April 8th, 1988 & 26

occupation: I'm a high school English teacher. I teach 1th grade and creative writing, specifically.

who does your family consist of? how many siblings do you have? We're a pretty small bunch. Its just my parents, my older sister and I.

what kind of pets do you have? None at the moment! Its not that I don't love animals (otherwise I wouldn't have pestered my parents for one so much as a kid), its just that I'm one of those people who can't even keep their houseplants alive. I'm not sure I trust myself with a pet. Maybe someday.

which hawthorn neighborhood do you live in? Silvertree Hill

do you live alone? The way you phrased this question is so depressing, but I do. I had a roomie at one point, but she moved out about two years ago when her boyfriend asked her to move in with him instead. I have to say I didn't really mind (apart from having to pay the whole rent from there on out, luckily I was in a position where I could). I've always been the sort of person that likes their space.

what's your idea of perfect happiness? A good book and an entire strawberry cheesecake all to myself. A trip to the beach can also be substituted for cheesecake, the book isn't negotiable.

what is your relationship like with your parents? if you don't have one, explain My parents and I have a relationship, its just not a very close one. Its not exactly distant either, its just that we don't quite get each other? I don't think I'm much like either of my parents, or my sister who seems to be a carbon copy of the two of them. The thing you have to understand about my parents is, they're very concerned about status and think there's really only one way to contribute to society or get any sort of respect. They went after very safe, very respectable jobs that would get them the money and esteem they were used to. Not that being an English teacher is particularly daring, but I think I'm more of an abstract thinker than they are? I was always interested in a more creative line of work and something that wouldn't keep me in an office all day. I'd like to say that I care less about what people think of me too, but that's not entirely true. To get back to your question, my parents and I tolerate, each other, I guess. We all know I'm not their favorite, but I don't think its necesarily a bad thing to know where you stand.

what does your ideal weekend or day off look like? Can I just repeat my answer to the perfect happiness question? Ideally, I'd like to wake up at my own pace, not thanks to my alarm clock or noisy neighbors. I'd like to go out, get a big breakfast (though I'd probably be up by brunch) and read a book while eating it. Then I want to go shopping, have an equally amazing dinner, go home and put on my favorite pajamas and watch binge a new season of Orange is the New Black, because in a perfect world there would be a new episode every day and I wouldn't have to wait till June!

what do you regret most about your time in high school? I hear a lot of people say they wish they'd tried harder in high school and that they wish they'd taken it more seriously. I'm the opposite. I spent entirely too much time worrying about grades and what other people thought of me that I never got to have any fun and enjoy being a teenager. I also wish I had the guts to ask the blonde in my Chem class to prom instead of going with my cousin, but that's a whole different thing.

what word or words do you overuse the most? Come on. As in, "Come on, guys, open your text books." "Come on, don't make me have to call on someone at random." And "Come on, sis. Nobody listens to The Backstreet Boys anymore."

what fictional character do you most relate to and why? This is the question I was dreading most because the moment I read it I was like, ugh, I have no idea. But let's go with Suzy Bishop from Moonrise Kingdom. My answer to the parents question should explain why this helps back me up.

how would you like to die? Quickly and painlessly with no idea its coming. And preferably not violently because my family has a thing for creepy open casket funerals so I'd like to look somewhat presentable.


Maura Beth Zeler is the second daughter of Frank and Janet. She was unplanned, but her parents came around to the idea of having another child when they realized they could have a son and with it, the best of both worlds. Though they were slightly disappointed when they realized they were having a daughter, Maura's childhood was pleasant and happy enough, though from an early age she realized her and her older sister were never given much in the way of attention. Her parents were very busy people, a lawyer and an interior designer, respectively with parties and other social functions that took up most of their time. They had both come from money and maintaining that lifestyle and the esteem that came with it were of the utmost importance to them.

Maura was taught that money and status were about the only things that mattered, but from an early age she showed signs of being a creative sort, announcing that she'd much rather be a writer than a doctor, which was all her big sister ever talked about becoming. To make matters worse, she proved to be an introvert, much more comfortable staying home with she loved so much that mingling with the upper crust at yet another cocktail party.

She cemented her position as the daughter they didn't quite get when they found out she came out as a lesbian at the beginning of high school. While they didn't outwardly disapprove, it was yet another disappointment to her parents, who quickly cautioned her to be discreet because what they worried, as always, what other people would think. Though Maura wanted to be a writer, she is currently using the degree she earned after moving to Seattle to attend college (and be far, far away from her parents) to teach high school english. She's never been happier.

• Loathes peanut butter and nuts in general. Will pick them out of cookies, brownies, etc.

• Finished a novel shortly after graduating college. It remains unpublished and unseen by anyone and is collecting dust in an old hatbox under her bed.

• Has always wanted a dog and was never allowed one as a kid. can often be seen petting strangers' dogs at the park and often jokes that she wants to steal them. She's 55% serious, but is unsure she'll be able to tackle pet ownership considering houseplants die under her care.

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